No one here is advocating coveting another man’s wife.

I’ve sent you an email. The First Lateran Council (1123) was so frustrated by the inability to impose Vatican compliance to earlier legislation that they went so far as to render the sacramental marriages of priests “null and void.” The Council decreed “that marriages already contracted by such persons [priests and deacons] must be dissolved, and that the persons [husbands and wives] be condemned to do penance.” In a Church that was endeavoring to sustain the notion that no sacramental marriage could ever be dissolved by anything less than death of one of the spouses, the First Lateran Council’s open hostility toward the sacramental marriages of priests was a shocking (and many would say “ungodly”) departure from its own theology. Please remember that people maybe busy or on holidays at this time of the year. While it is true that some find their needs for intimacy met in their spirituality, many do not.

I would love to hear from him one day say what he truly felt about me. .. We don’t wish to see you suffering at the hands of an unscrupulous priest! It’s painful I know. No, “Well, if only…” Or,  “I would leave if ….”  Many women who enter into the world of mandated celibacy and romance end up deeply hurt. A priest in love normally wants the relationship to continue under the table, because of the crisis it involves for him to be honest about it. But it is also a product of the environment in which priests live for all the reasons mentioned in the first paragraph of this section above. I would have settled for friendship however that also seems not to be. Ecclesiastical law can never nullify the divine law to marry and experience the union of two people coming together as one. Bishops bent upon making pastoral visitations and forcibly separating priests from their lawfully wedded wives were often bombarded by angry parishoners throwing rotten fruit. I started to get feelings for her but never said and I want to follow my calling to priesthood she admit to me and I told her I can’t leave she was mad and she said she would never talk with me again but she did as she missed me so much. Mandatory celibacy defines a priest primarily by sex and places an inordinate amount of attention on his sex life. Just as he found Christ present in ministry and now in romantic love, he will find him also present and guiding him into the future. I love him so much but i wanted to stay out because if my family will found out they will get hurt so bad.

Don’t you see that you love me. He had a much loved career in the Air Force and gave up so much to leave and become a priest. They are reluctant to change their beliefs because of their need to stay connected to their peer group. I’ve had to deal with it all by myself but now it’s on the internet. If he does come across someone that causes the violins to sound off, he feels both attraction and fear of where it may lead. He is in contact but very seldom and will be very ‘priest like’ in his replies. He was and is a precious man. He told me he loved them both. When the typical lay person meets a priest, they perceive him first and foremost as a “celibate” and have an internal dialogue that goes something like this: “Is he really celibate? I just wish he would be able to open up to me more and tell me that yes he has feelings for me.

From what you wrote I deduct that she wants to have an honest life and she has every right. However my experience of the Baptist Church attenders is that they are VERY intolerant of the Catholic faith. My heart was crushed when he did and while I loved God just as he did, I found it hard not to be angry about the fact that he had to choose between being a priest and being a father/husband.

We, as married priests, we are never in favour of clandestine relationships.

I am about 35 years old.

It’s time for him to man-up and face the truth. I don’t want to go into details now. I have seen this post before but I have often thought do you still talk with him?

I actually find it quite insulting to be treated as if I’m a threat but on reflection, men are usually weaker then women when it comes to celibacy so nowadays I see it as their problem, not mine. But I have to say – you clearly feel you have a vocation. Ecclesiastical leaders eager to pass judgment on priests who seek companionship need to understand that they have turned God’s gift of love into a force of evil. ‘In heaven it might be different, but in this world, to live is to change and to grow perfect is to have changed often’ (Cardinal Newman reflecting upon church history).

I already broke up wd my priest but he keeps on telling me he will not give up on me. All the sadness it caused, and still cause. I returned to the RCC a few years ago after a long absence. You have no right to cultivate ANY closeness. I want to forget everything and start afresh. I never knew that she was going to be killed I miss her very much and there is a thing in my heart missing for her that’s true but I never wanted to leave my vocation for someone the promises I made are permanent to me. I love the Catholic Church but I disagree with this man made rule…Jack, I know what I want to tell you but I also don’t want to confuse you if you have a calling and can fulfil the celibacy part of it…and it’s not just the sex part of it..I think you see now that there is much, much more to it…..hearts are broken…it sounds to me like one of those are yours…. On the other hand, Christ has no interest in mandated celibacy and even cured Saint Peter’s mother-in-law in respect for Peter’s marriage. You obviously have to decide whether you want to eliminate the right to love someone in the ‘Eros’ sence. But this incompatibility is not God’s doing. To a priest, his service is his life and now that he may have fallen in love with you, you are his life, so asking him to choose between you and the Church is putting him between a rock and a hard place.

To ask the priest to decide between you and God is blasphemous. But it us very hard to have feelings for a priest knowibg you wont get what you want ever.Hes now in another church so Ill never know what he felt for me.I know not all priests are safe but this priest was safe and I think thats why some women are attractef to them.And knowing that they are off limits adds to that.And I never thought that Id ever have feelings for one -I love the Catholic Church too much to even think of lusting after a priest. BUT… He finds so many women attractive and flirts with them all!! If you read it you will see that ‘celibacy’ is NOT just about abstaining from sex.

He can leave with or without going through the laicization process. Only an honest and true answer would be accepted. But he is also a priest sworn to celibacy by the Holy Catholic Church.

People are now just more willing to talk about it. He is love. I’ve shown him, by telling him things that only he could have told me, that we were friends.

in a healthy manner when it is perceived as an alien force within them. I have had a few break-ups in my life, with ”regular” guys, and the sequence of feelings were usually: pain, crying, slowly getting better, and finally moving on. I have to move on…it’s so difficult!

Dear one…..yes, some priests are gentle, clean, modest and very God fearing men. If a priest is really in love, he would leave. Maybe he wants to let go of his comfort zone? I refused to close my heart to him because Christ never closed his heart to those who abused him but the emotional pain was terrible at times. Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! The branch you seek already exists. Is it just refraining from sexual intercourse? I will be saying vey special prayers for you Jack. When leaving the priesthood, it is wonderful, but not always possible, to have the support of family and friends. Your options are to force this love out of your life, or strive to secretively nurture it within the confines of the priesthood, or leave and live the relationship openly in the light of day. You say, “If the person [an ordained priest] truly had a vocation and got emotionally involved with a woman, then he is unfaithful to the vocation.” In so doing, you assume that no one can “truly” have a priestly vocation and, at the same time, be married to a woman. But, like Toto in the Wizard of Oz, this crisis has pulled back the curtain and no amount of incense can hide the little man pulling the levers. because it prohibits the very intimate interaction necessary for this development. I know men who have left the priesthood for love and have felt lost ever since – wanting to be priests again but being told that they can’t be. I have given him the benefit & told him that once he leaves (if he does) then we will see from there. To live in a dynamic relationship with God is to live in the midst of change. Disguised in religious jargon and contrived theology, mandatory celibacy is really about radical patriarchy (male domination) and  misogyny (whether it be in ordained priestly ministry or as wives of priests, women are perceived as inferior and an evil influence). It’s also to do with an experience that he had a while ago and he’s left hurt and it’s not just to do with him being a priest. He has been to the mountain top of romantic love, where, perhaps to his surprise, he has found the presence of God and a whole new dimension of life. I still go to mass but have to stay away from him or he will put a restraining order on me. Leave that priest to work for God. The priest in my story, would stumble on his words during the mass but would then make it appear funny and act the clown. Silvana, perhaps the priest didn’t see you that way and maybe you misinterpreted the signals.

First of all, the vocation to the priesthood is a divine calling which is mediated by the Church. PLEASE try not to pursue this any further…God bless you and you will be in my prayers. After the mass people asked are you ok what wrong with you. Prior to leaving, I remember walking through an airport wearing my collar, when a mother pulled her young child closer to her as I approached. If not, tell him to stop bothering you or you will spill the beans. Are you saying “I really like her”, “I want to be intimate with her”, or “I would give my life for her”…or a combination of all the above. She has been honest and called him to honesty too. . They are usually trained at a very tender young age. . The perplexing question, “Why do good people suffer?” begins to challenge them at this stage.

They cannot deny that their love is a holy experience and find themselves perplexed as to why it has put them on a collision course with the priesthood, when, in fact, being in love has brought them new joy and enthusiasm for life.

I still see him almost everyday but things are so hard because he acts like nothing but a priest I don’t know anything about. But if they had had experience with the journey of loving someone, they would know that intimacy is many things, the physical being only one of them and sometimes not even being the most important. She came closer and she touched my hand I just woke up and said the blessing and she walk back to here sit the next person said are you ok you seem sick I just looked at said the body of Christ and next person came and the next people just seemed little shocked. In some countries, a priest having a concubine is tolerated, perhaps even expected, but that is not the case in the United States. Yes I kissed her and hugged her in my human weakness but I never crossed that line of having sex with yes of course it crossed my mind, to want more but I did not want to use her for having a good time because the reality was I was never going to leave and that would not be fair to her! Besides, I might have been whisked off to a counseling program if they had reported to the Bishop that one of his priests was about to jump the fence. The purposes of those were obedience and control, while the purposes of these were for love and companionship.

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